A 30 year-old woman who has never experienced a fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship, travels through time to discover the cause is a complex illicit pleasure.
My client Mandy has come to see me because she is feeling blocked, particularly in terms of her sexuality.
At 30 she has yet to experience an orgasm. When it comes to sex she feels incredibly guilty and cannot surrender herself to a full and complete release during intercourse. Mandy has experienced many therapies that have delved into her childhood looking for any kind of childhood trauma or sexual abuse but none has revealed the source of her present challenge.
My apprentice greets her with a winning smile and puts her at ease. I sense she is intrigued by what appears on the surface to be a vibrant, confident, relaxed and attractive woman.
Our interview is brief and Mandy enters an expanded state of consciousness as soon as she lies in the crystal mandala. After releasing several attached earthbound spirits and past life traumas I sense we are close to the core issue when she uncovers a dark painful energy she is holding in her cervix.
I don’t like this, I feel apprehensive and scared, there is something not nice here, she telepaths.
“Just as I thought”, my apprentice mutters to herself as she feels into Mandy’s experience of being pinned down by more than one pair of strong male hands.
“I feel sick”, Mandy says out loud.
“It’s okay. This is why you came to see us. If you are ready to be free of this limitation you may release it now. It is time to give yourself permission to remember what happened to you.” My apprentice softly reassures Mandy who is starting to panic.
I am with you, I telepath. Just command your body to take you to the moment this happened.
Mandy re-experiences herself as a bright and virtuous young woman walking through the gloomy streets of a large walled city in medieval Europe. She is beautiful, carefree and innocent. She is taking a shortcut through a part of town she does not know so well and it is getting dark. She begins to feel apprehensive as the light fades and the air chills. She quickens her pace realising she is further from home than she would like.
One, two, then three pubescent boys call out to her whistling and shouting playfully. As they gather in number their comments become more suggestive; then obscene. She quickens her pace and soon there is a small group of rough looking young men at her heels. She realises her situation is dire.
Mandy feels fear and foreboding building inside of her, but there is more; there‘s a tinge excitement pulsing through her adolescent body. As a virgin she has not yet known the touch of a man. She has overheard the older women talk about the pleasure that a man can give a woman and she has been yearning to experience this.
She has learnt to pleasure herself, but she knows that there is more to it, that a man can bring greater pleasure and a deeply hidden part of her is perversely excited by what might happen. She feels guilty about being this excited in such a dangerous situation.
The young men corner her. They are rough but not terribly violent as they rip her clothes off and violate her. She is overcome by fear, gagging, repulsed by the smell of stale sweat and filthy clothes. The first to enter her is the biggest and roughest of the group and she feels pain as something tears inside her. He is with her for a short period of time. Then the younger ones follow, excited by their twisted initiation into manhood.
They are less harsh and she realises that the less she resists, the less painful her experience. Although she hides it well, she begins experiencing some pleasure as her body lubricates and naturally responds to the sexual act, even though it is without her consent. Her orgasm, when it comes, is intense and confused. It is happening in the middle of an awful, horrible experience – these men may even kill her – but it is beyond her control.
Eventually it is finished and the young men slink off one by one into the night, disgusted with themselves and with her. Innocent and virginal as she was, they call her a whore to hide their own shame. Mandy is left in a shivering, sobbing, bleeding heap under her torn clothes. Barely able to comprehend the greater implications of what has just happened to her, she makes her way home.
Soiled, sore and bruised both inside and out she feels overpowering shame, as part of her body still aches with the residue of illogical and illicit pleasure. It is very dark when she arrives home and her family is distressed. Although her mother and sisters comfort her as they bathe and cleanse her, her brothers and father mutter about the dishonour she has brought to the family.
The family’s deepest fears bear fruit when she is ostracised by her community and spat at by the locals who somehow believe that she was responsible for the rape she endured. Things get worse when her mother discovers that she is pregnant. Her mother quietly slips poison into her food so that the family will not bear the further humiliation of bringing up the bastard child of an unknown rapist.
We arrive at the moment where recall started – the acute pain in her cervix. The birth of the stillborn child goes badly, as she bleeds to death, deeply ashamed of the disgrace she has brought on her family. Hidden deep inside her is the mortification and confusion about the small amount of pleasure she spontaneously experienced during her rape.
Her sisters help her to die and leave her body with some dignity, but she senses that her mother, father and brothers are relieved that they will not have to be reminded of their dishonour by seeing her or her baby ever again.
The process of forgiveness of both her abusers and her family is emotional but it comes easily to Mandy, who sees the power of the release and the freedom it offers. Then we connect with the beings who love her unconditionally and ask them how this session will affect her life.
You have carried this trauma for many lifetimes and it has prevented you from having complete and fulfilling sexual relationships. You have, ever since this time, not been able to experience sex freely, joyfully and without guilt. You are now able to attract into your life a caring, powerful, vibrant partner with whom you will have a loving and guilt-free sexual relationship.
Mandy sits up as she returns to her body, drying her eyes.
“That makes so much sense to me. Is it really possible that I can truly enjoy the physical part of lovemaking now?”
“They told you the truth; believe them. Your life changes permanently starting today, if you wish. It is that simple; the trauma is cleared.”
My apprentice escorts Mandy to her car, encouraging her to walk a while before driving.
“Is it really possible to enjoy such awful abuse?”, my apprentice asks as she rejoins me.
“She did not enjoy the abuse. Part of herself could not help but respond in a natural way to the stimulation she was experiencing. It is not a bad thing; it just is.”
“And this has affected her intimate relationships for hundreds of years…”, she shakes her head dumbfounded.
“Not any more.”
Raym is a shaman and teacher of teachers. He teaches his Crystal Dreaming™ technique worldwide and takes annual tours of sacred sites in the UK. More true stories in his new book Spirit World.
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