Raym’s client wants to understand why he cannot have deep emotional relationships. The answer is hidden inside his chest.
Jamie approaches our healing studio and my young assistant surprises me with her soft reflective sigh as she gazes at him. Standing close, I unintentionally read her unguarded thoughts, He could put his shoes under my bed any day. I can’t decide whether she is being absent-minded or trying to tease me by being deliberately inappropriate.
Jamie is a mature, handsome man with an air of confidence befitting a movie star. You might think from appearances he has everything going for him, but he has come to see me today because he has never been able to have any kind of warn, affectionate relationship with anyone and he wants to find out why.
As she is so taken with Jamie I suggest Jo interview him, and I smile inwardly as her usual confident, cheeky self is flustered by my request. In a moment, however, she is the professional I have trained, asking all the right questions and listening.
I study Jamie’s responses as he tells us that he is a high achiever in his work and people like him and, even though he feels ready, he just can’t seem to let anyone into his life. In response to our standard question he confidently declares that he has not experienced any major trauma in his life. Then he pauses…
“Unless you count this.” He unbuttons his shirt to reveal a disturbingly deep indentation in the centre of his chest. Jo releases an involuntary gasp.
He looks up at Jo’s wide eyes, “It doesn’t hurt. I was born this way. They used to call me heartless at school, which was a bit mean.”
It is the first time I have seen this natural birth defect. The hollow is big enough to put a child’s fist into. It’s unusual because it appears to be square rather than round. Jamie is an expert at hiding it.
“Thanks for showing us. Please lie down.” We lay next to him in the crystal mandala and journey together entering no time-space ready to discover the reason for his aloneness. I suggest he command his body to take us to the moment his chest trauma started.
He is spread-eagled, tied securely on some kind of cold slab, in a stone chamber lit by oil lamps.
The walls are painted with symbols I recognise, and I promise myself not to lead Jamie.
How do you feel?, I telepath.
Cold and terrified. Something awful is about to happen to me and I can’t get away!
A totally bald man with smooth, shiny skin steps forward. He is dressed like Jamie and he realises that they are both priests in Ancient Egypt. He leans over Jamie holding a sharp knife. Without a word he expertly opens Jamie’s chest as he writhes in agony.
Holy shit. Do I have to go through this?, he pleads.
To discover why you feel separate, yes you do.
It does not take long for his tormentor to extract Jamie’s still beating heart and place it in a small square box covered in hieroglyphics, which he locks. Before Jamie leaves his body the priest looks down at him with a sad and twisted smile.
“There. I have it. See how that feels. You will never feel anything for anyone ever again!.
Jamie sighs as his body expires. The guy is really pissed off. What did I do to him?
Jamie calls on his killer and they talk. There is a lot to be forgiven and it takes time for Jamie’s torturer to truly forgive him for the damage he did in that lifetime. The process of forgiving and releasing this trauma is slow because the hurt is so deep. As Jamie’s heart is placed back into his chest and the other priest truly accepts his apologies, Jamie relaxes for the first time in eons.
I feel amazing. Can we leave now?
I notice a much bigger entity standing behind the torturer who is turning to leave. I sense the giant is not happy at the way things are going. A tall, looming, dark-skinned, broad-shouldered being steps out of the shadows and addresses them both.
“You have vastly exceeded your mandate.” The booming, distorted voice growls from the mouth of a black dog, whose head sits on the being’s broad humanoid shoulders.
Anubis? My client is incredulous. Were these real beings?
There is more, stay focussed…
There is something behind Jamie. Another large being steps forward. This powerful figure has a hawk’s head on its strong shoulders; he is not happy either.
I take a breath, centre myself and suggest that Jamie apologise to Anubis. His sincerity is met with deep and dismissive, mocking laughter that shakes us to our core.
We care nothing about what you human fools feel or think. This dispute is between us. Be gone!
As they square off I address them, feeling rather puny. We take our leave from you great beings, and dissolve all agreements between us. May you find peace.
This is hard… Jamie is struggling.
Leaving them; dissolving these agreements. I worshipped them. I loved Thoth. They were all powerful Gods. I did their bidding, as did the other priest. I cannot let him go.
I realise the futility of insisting and complete the session. Returning to our time-space we open our eyes. My apprentice is wide eyed.
“How does your chest feel?”, she asks.
“Full! And rather emotional.”
My apprentice smiles hugging him, pressing her cheek against his as a tear rolls from the corner of his eye.
After he has left my apprentice has questions. “Why didn’t you insist he broke all agreements with the gods? They only have power over us if we allow it.”
“If he still feels in awe and bound to them then it is not my place to insist. He achieved a great deal in this session. Maybe in another session he can totally step into his power. He will be ready soon. Until then let him enjoy the new sensation of having emotions. That’s plenty to deal with.”
Raym is a shaman and teacher of teachers. He teaches his Crystal Dreaming™ technique worldwide and takes annual tours of sacred sites in the UK. More true stories in his new book, Spirit World.
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