woman in office looking at two women talking

An abusive boss

In Insight and Experience, Insight and Self Awareness by Hong CurleyLeave a Comment

Hong Curley answers readers’ questions

Dear Hong

I am very unhappy at work as some colleagues have caused me problems. The office manager is a very mean person. She abuses me by putting me down all the time and makes me feel really inferior. I am looking for another job. Can you please give me some tips to cope with this situation in the meantime?


Dear Jane

First of all, whenever you say that someone abuses you, you are actually affirming that you are a hopeless victim, but the truth is, you are not.

All ‘problems’ in life are caused by you. You are the creator of all your circumstances.

Your manager may be an abusive person, but she cannot abuse you without you first of all permitting her to do so.

Secondly, and this is a hard truth to swallow, in most cases, people are not trying to put you down at all. They are in fact trying to help you improve certain skills. It is you who put yourself down psychologically, based on a subconscious sabotage mental programming, then you project that self-abuse onto someone else whom you perceive as having power over you.

My words of advice: Do not run away from your problems. Since you are their cause, where can you run to? The only way to solve your problems for good is to run to them, run through them, seek out their deepest cause and release them for good.

On another note, problems are never real, they are just illusions of your mind, stories you told yourself.  In actual reality, there isn’t such a thing as problems. Things are the way they are. It is your mind that makes them into problems because their existence causes inconvenience.

Try to erase the word ‘problem’ from your vocabulary, Jane. Every so-called problem is an opportunity for you to create a better version of what you can be. Things happen, things change, things get better, get worse, get better again…just go with the cycle of life, don’t judge situations as good or bad, life just is. Do not run away or fight against it. Live through it with acceptance and forgiveness. When you let things be, life lets you be. In between the highs and lows of life, you find peace within.

There is a chapter in my book Freedom to Love titled ‘Mirror, mirror of the world’. This chapter contains all the effective tools to deal with work conflicts and offers powerful resolutions for creating harmony in life and work. It will help you tremendously.

To your happiness Jane

Hong Curley

Hong is a Chinese medical doctor who specialised in psychological healing before she retired. She earned her expert status from having conducted over 38,000 consultations. She is author of Freedom to Love. 

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