How do I be myself?

In Coaching, Counselling and Personal Development by Claudia Merrill1 Comment

How do you know how to be yourself? Many of us haven’t a clue because we were never taught how. In our day to day lives, we are so busy with what we have to accomplish, we neglect getting to know ourselves. Here is one simple way towards this discovery.


Imagine walking into school every day and feeling completely alone. Imagine how it would feel to dread lunch and recess, because the only people to sit with were those that tormented you. When I moved schools at age eight, this was my life.

Before I was ten, I knew what it felt like to be alone, to feel as though no one valued me. I was so afraid to be myself, because of the tormenting that followed. I tried my best to fit in, but that only created more opportunity for the bullying to continue. Thankfully I was a very optimistic child, so these years of bullying never caused me to become depressed. I did, however, have a very hard time being me. This early experience created the perfect situation for me to learn how to be myself.

Who should we be?  

Many of us in today’s world have a difficult time being ourselves. We are subconsciously bombarded with images of who we should be. Billboards and magazines tell us to be more successful, more active, more hard-working. But what about who we are already? Realising the importance of you is more important than ever.

Until recently, I still didn’t fully understand how to be myself. “What does it mean to be myself?”, I would often ask. It’s a fair question, how do we know how to ‘be’ ourselves in a world that is telling us who we should be? My experience with bullying at an early age taught me to suppress who I really was. All my flaws, talents, dreams, and quirks were neatly tucked away for no one to see. I convinced myself that blending into the background was the best way to avoid heartache.

The lost sense of identity

When I was in my early teens, I experienced anxiety that stopped me from living my life. I found it very difficult to cope with each day due to the stress and wear on my adrenals. I turned my life around, using affirmations, kinesiology, and meditation, but these methodologies didn’t tell me how to be myself. The burden of anxiety was lifted, but I didn’t have a sense of identity. I see this so often represented in my peers. University students, for instance, doing their best to get good grades to land a well-paying job but without a clue about how to be themselves.

I am what I am

One evening I was listening to a meditation by the lovely Wayne W. Dyer. There was one particular phrase that resonated with me and encapsulated everything that I consider to be living your true self. He stated, “I am what I am. You are a divine creation, and this is enough”.

Repeat this to yourself over and over: I am what I am. It makes perfect sense, and what’s more, you realise what you are not. You are not your emotions, where you live, your experiences, or possessions – you are simply you. When I said this, and allowed it to seep into my subconscious, the most beautiful stream of energy washed over me. I felt completely at one with the universe. I felt loved.

In this one simple phrase, we are able to release ourselves from comparison and embrace ourselves, without feeling fake about it. I am what I am is about being at peace with you. The judgement, criticism, and ambition falls away. You no longer have to strive to be more, or to feel guilty for what you have done. You begin to read between the lines of what you think you are, and see what is hidden from view.

My journey has led me to discover how to be myself and love myself for who I am. It wasn’t through straining or trying to be myself. It was simply by letting myself be me. Allow yourself to be who you are, because really, what is the point of being anything else? From this place of accepting, you too can discover a life of fulfilment, appreciation, and bliss.

The above article is inspired by Wayne Dyer’s 101 Ways to Transform Your Life  CD published by Hay House Inc.

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  1. A great article, highlighting the bravery required to shed the shell of others expectations in order to find and be yourself!

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