Fear of death (of the ‘little self’) is common to almost every person I have ever met.
“The only thing constant in life is change.”
Francois de la Rochefoucauld
In the last week I encountered several people who were going through remarkable changes in their lives, and I was struck by an intriguing common thread. They were all successfully working through various issues such as lupus, depression, adrenal fatigue syndrome, Crohn’s disease, sexual trauma, domestic violence and obesity, yet there was an invisible lock holding each person to a core insecurity, ‘fear of death’. Then I recognised this was common to almost every person I had ever met.
Our deepest fear
The fear of death is not necessarily the fear of leaving this planet but rather equates to a sense of death of the known self. Our deepest hurts are created by decisions we make about ourselves and how the world works in the face of not gaining significance or security through our human connections.
Our known or false self is created over many years to ensure the survival of the body. Our authentic essence becomes locked away with our deepest life gifts and purpose never truly revealed. We are afraid to finally lay to rest our old survival armour in the fear we will never be accepted or valued for our true beauty and magnificence.
Losing our authentic self
Experiences occur in our childhood which create deeply embedded patterns of abandonment and rejection. Simply stated we feel misunderstood, unworthy, unloved and not good enough.
Ever had the thought, “I’ll never get that – I’m not good enough”? It is common to create a sense of self based on lies because in childhood we do not have the ability to separate the concepts of our self-worth and the trauma of the event. A traumatic event can be as simple as dropping our lolly pop in the dirt or as painful as parental conflict and separation. A child will decide that he or she caused or was solely responsible for the crisis. Then the child decides it was meant to happen because they are inherently bad in some way.
People pleaser or rebel
As new events occur a layering of hurts, fears and defence mechanisms is steadily built. A child may choose to be the ‘good girl’ to win approval from an overly dominating, angry father. As she grows into adulthood she becomes the quiet people pleaser, rescuer, nurturing mother figure who never says ‘no’ until one day she burns out at 45.
If you are like most human beings living in our post millennial society, you are experiencing change at an unprecedented pace. As individuals we are desperately and often unconsciously clinging to certain internal and existential comfort zones which give us some momentary significance, safety and stability. Life is always challenging us to move towards the boundary condition, to gain mastery and expand our territory and area of influence, yet confusion and discomfort occur as we near our current state of limitations. We draw back to the comfort of control.
My way or the highway
This personal control is our need to live by the rules of how our world works and governs our values, beliefs, decisions and every action. We need personal control as it covers up our deepest fears. We hold onto our deepest fears as we don’t know who we will be and we don’t think anyone will know us without our fears and insecurities.Then we expect others to follow our rules. The problem is we all have our own set of rules. Conflict follows with the clash of two worlds or millions of worlds.
Getting out of the same-old-same-old
We do not have to face up to what we are afraid of when we have created lives with predictable results. Those results are what we become used to, we know it too well. Do you know anyone addicted to the drama cycle? Or someone who always holidays in the same room of the same resort every year? Or the way we always respond to certain family members? Think about how many of us check our Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and email accounts many times daily? What daily routines do we adhere to – from the way we brush our teeth to the way we do our supermarket shopping.
Learning to breathe
Let’s take a few moments to breathe deeply. Breathing abdominally for six equal counts in and out creates a balance within our nervous system and allows us to flow into deeper understanding, concentration, calmness and creativity. As you feel relaxed go on to asking yourself a few questions.
- Am I living my life needing to know outcomes?
- How do I feel about letting go of all I know and all I am right now for a whole new unknown paradigm?
- What is the purpose for my living like I do right now? (Follow through and keep asking yourself the ‘What is the purpose’ question for at least five to seven cycles and you will always arrive at the ultimate destination of happiness and peace). Challenge yourself with this question about any area of your life.
- When was it that I first and finally decided to not be happy?
The road to happiness
Human connections can hurt us yet also be our greatest source of growth and ultimately our happiness. Developing a relationship with several mentors through our lifetime will help us complete the revolutionary cycle we journey on to find lasting happiness, peace and freedom. A mentor will help to provoke and challenge us by guiding us through the abyss of our discomforts and confusion. We come to see our own self-love and power face to face.
Finding a mentor
Life coaching with a qualified and experienced practitioner can assist individuals to explore the defining moments which have created those unresourceful survival mechanisms. The skilled life coach will work to diminish and eliminate unconscious blockages and limitations through a number of powerful modalities such as NLP (neurolinguistic programming), matrix therapies, M Braining or MBIT (Multiple Brain Integration Techniques), conscious hypnosis and EFT (emotional freedom technique). The client will also be assisted to explore their passion and purpose for life through their unique combination of strengths, gifts and dreams.
Your personal revolution awaits you. Begin to imagine your beautiful life. Your journey begins.
Katrina Atkin is a qualified registered nurse, life coach, counsellor and hypnotherapist. She is founder and CEO of ‘I am Beautiful Revolution’.
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