Raym’s client explores how a death in her past affects her ability to conceive now.
My client Kirra is screaming, her face contorted, her dark- skinned right hand pushed hard into the futon beneath her, fingers spread wide. Something invisible is pinning her wrist down as her body writhes around it; she is in excruciating pain.
Her screams are so loud they have brought me back to this time and space to glance for a moment at her contorted body in my healing studio. Fortunately I am in the bush, and those nearby know I am some kind of healer. Reassured she is not actually dying, I allow myself to return to the time she is experiencing with such a visceral recall.
Just allow yourself to be here. I telepath.
—Do I have any choice? The pain is unbearable. Why are they doing this to me? My hand!
Let your awareness expand outwards from your hand. What is happening around you?
Her breathing moderates, a little
—I am in a musty place, underground, faded whitewashed walls, curved arches, crumbling bricks. The people in uniform who are hurting me despise me. I am female, my skin is white, I feel heavier than I am now. Why am I here? Why am I not Aboriginal, with my ancestors? What did I do to deserve this torture?
Your incarnation into the Aboriginal bloodline is recent, you have incarnated elsewhere at other times. Command your body to show you what led to this…
As we travel through time and space, I can see both before and after this incident and feel deep compassion for Kirra, who has come to see me because of her inability to conceive. After trying many other processes she has been referred to me to help her uncover why. Our shamanic journey has plunged us straight into this trauma, when we commanded her body to show us the reason she could not have a baby.
She relaxes as we are transported to another era. A period where everyone looks thinner and the few cars on the streets are bigger than they are now and mostly black. The air feels clean and fresh and the locals who are going about their daily business push carts, walk or ride bicycles. It feels peaceful, almost mundane but there is an undercurrent of fear, hidden by people trying to make the most of a bad situation by carrying on as normal. For a moment Kirra forgets her recent pain, she is fascinated by the clarity of her recall.
—This feels like Europe, France maybe. The buildings, the people they look pre-war. People look good without much effort, the women have style, on a shoestring by the look of it. This is like a movie…
Where are you? Do you recognise yourself anywhere?
—Yes, that’s me! That busy woman over there; she looks happy, but something is not right.
Step into her body and allow yourself to be her. How does she feel?
—She has a secret; an important secret. Scared but defiant is how she feels. She is a big woman. Oh no…
Kirra has noticed the grey uniforms of her torturers that walk in small groups through her community.
—I…feel like they know who I am.
And who are you?
—I see myself writing, I have access to information and I am helping the resistance, with good reason. I don’t look it, but I am Jewish. They have taken everyone I know.
So it’s not pre-war France is it?
—No, it is occupied France. Oh… I feel it now. I’m not fat, I am pregnant. I did not mean to fall pregnant, but I love him so much!
The experience feels real
Kirra sobs quietly, re-experiencing the intense connection she felt with the leader of the local resistance.
—He is such a loving, brave, and gentle man. They captured me and because I won’t talk, they are cutting off my fingers one by one. My writing hand! I did not tell them anything, but they found him and they have him standing here before me now, witnessing my torture. I cannot believe that anyone could do this to another human being.
We are beneath the largest Chateau in town, in the wine cellar, recently repurposed. The resistance leader is stoic, denying all connection with his pregnant lover, now witnessing her intensifying torture and coldly refusing to acknowledge her, in the vain hope that it will stop.
I have seen many things in my time-travelling practice, but what happens next is beyond revulsion.
After repeated threats they execute Kirra in front of her lover by opening her womb allowing the fetus to spill out before them both as she bleeds to death, now well beyond feeling any physical pain. Her stony-faced lover is then taken outside and shot.
—Never! Never will I get pregnant ever again! Her last thoughts and feelings spread out across the universe and soak into her DNA.
Are you ready to release that promise to yourself? You see how it is affecting your life now?
She is still in a state of shock. I give her some time, and then she agrees.
“Please repeat after me out loud,” I say. By speaking we add the greatest power to her affirmation.
“I now dissolve any and all agreements I may have made with myself regarding my ability to bear children. These agreements no longer serve me and I release them once and for all. My reproductive area functions perfectly and I can conceive easily, as I choose. I do this of my own free will across time and space, now. So be it.”
As she finishes this powerful affirmation, her whole being releases a deeply relaxing out breath, permanently changing her present reality.
—I feel it! I feel my womb, my ovaries opening, easing… Unbelievable.
In order to totally release the trauma you must also forgive those who tortured and killed you…
This takes a little more time and counselling, but eventually she is ready and does so.
—I cannot believe how free I feel. What about my lover. What happened to him?
Call on him.
Time to find peace
She does so and he appears immediately, still very distraught, locked into the nightmare of their deaths, as if it were a moment ago. Deeply traumatised, he has become Earthbound; we talk with him and I help him understand that all is well, that he is not responsible for the death of his lover and unborn child. Calling on the beings who love him unconditionally to help him journey home to light, Kirra has one question of them, as they help him find peace.
—Will I ever get to be with him again?
You are free of your death trauma and are able to bring new life into your world, you will now conceive easily. Once he has been counselled and healed, you may incarnate together again.
He will be your first born.
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