Woman embracing man whilst ballet dancing

The divine masculine and feminine in relationship

In Community and Relationship, Love, Sex and Sexuality by LivingNowLeave a Comment

The way we relate to each other is determined by the karmic laws that govern the movement of the dance of the masculine and feminine energies.

“Know the masculine; be in the feminine” – Lao Tzu from the Tao Te Ching

The way we relate to each other is determined by the karmic laws that govern the movement of the dance of the masculine and feminine energies.

The Masculine and the Feminine are the primary archetypes. They have been here since the beginning, long before the evolution of sexual reproduction within species. They are the root of duality and their dance is the Oneness. They existed before right and wrong or good and evil – and we, human beings, are an expression of that fundamental oneness in the many.

At the beginning of the Universe, energy exploded outward, immediately beginning to create matter in the form of clouds of particles, then becoming denser into suns and planets and so on – Shakti (energy) giving rise to Shiva (matter) … the masculine arising out of the feminine. This is the first principle. We are all born of woman. So many of the traditional cultures as well as the early development of civilisations hold this principle of the masculine and feminine, of sun and moon, of the creation by the Father and the Mother. The Sweet Medicine Sundance teachings say, “Everything is born of the Feminine and sparked by the Masculine.”

These first principles are the root of karma, the Law of the Mirror of Relationship.

The second principle is, “The masculine holds the space for the feminine.”

As the Universe developed, the elements came into form. A hydrogen atom, once it is stable, literally holds space according to its form. This gives it its own agency, its individuality. This is its masculine aspect. Once it can hold space, it develops the ability to commune with other atoms; this is its feminine aspect. When hydrogen atoms commune with oxygen atoms under certain conditions we get water. Here is the first principle again: the masculine arises out of the feminine. This new masculine structure, a molecule, then holds space according to its new form. The ability of water to commune with other molecules is obvious; it is everywhere and is essential for life.

These same principles of evolution are at work throughout the natural world, in both life and non-life, and the attributes of the masculine and feminine are in all things. Some examples:

  • In spiritual life we talk of the light. We know that light is made up of both waves (energy: the flow of the feminine) and particles (matter: the agency of its masculine).
  • Yoga, physically, is the study of the relationship between strength (M) and flexibility (F). Energetically, the word hatha is from ha and tha, meaning sun and moon, referring to prana (M, active) and apana (F, passive). The first physical yoga was tantra, which was designed by women. All the physical yogas came after that – the masculine arising out of the feminine.
  • Depending on the organ in question, the sympathetic nervous system has an excitatory role (M), and the parasympathetic, an inhibitory (F) role. We all know of the functions of the left and right hemispheres of the brain.
  • At the cultural level, right wing politics is centred on the journey of the individual, entrepreneurial enterprise, and competition – masculine.  The left wing is centred on social services, public medicine and housing – the feminine for the good of the collective.
  • When the body is young the bones are soft and flexible (F). When we become older, they become hard and strong (M) – the masculine arises out of the feminine. The body can now use energy in a more powerful and focussed way, the masculine holding space for the feminine.

As evolution occurs, the complexity of the dance increases.

The limbic system (emotion, feminine) was primary to the neo cortex (intellect, masculine). All thought arises out of feeling. Indeed the masculine activities of thinking and doing arise out of the feminine states of being and feeling. Often, especially in men, the feelings under the thoughts are not known. Our culture is so masculine that most of the feeling field out of which our actions and thoughts arise are repressed and it may need therapy or counselling in order to access the true motivations.

Ignorance of these karmic principles leads to a great deal of suffering. When the feminist part of the women’s movement began to judge men for the ills of the world, they rapidly became the very thing they feared – aggressive, domineering, chauvinistic and sexist. Social morality of this kind is always destructive. The wielding of the moral form is pure violence – the flip side of war. Yang (M) violence says, “Do as I say or I will do something to you – physical harm, war, death.” Yin (F) violence says, “Do what I want or I will take something away from you – community, love, friendship.”

These principles of relationship between the masculine and the feminine are universal. From the moment of the ‘big bang’ to the God-like moment of conception in sexuality, the masculine arises out of the feminine and then holds the space for the feminine to flow. The ability to commune increases and a new form (stage) emerges, and so on.

It is clear that we evolve in stages, that altered states are temporary until they can become a stage, after which they are permanent.

This is a constant part of our development. This is also the principle of the evolution of the inner life. At any stage of development, the feminine ability to commune allows us to enter into different states. As this happens more often, the central nervous system develops the structures that allow more consciousness to pass through. At this point we enter a new stage where the altered states have been integrated and they are permanently available.

Relating between men and women is advancing to a new stage in our society. It is part of the quickening. The two major karmic principles of relationship are becoming increasingly obvious to many, and the only conscious relationships that are going to be permanent are those which understand that this is the natural order of growth, and factor it into the relationship. The recognition of the masculine and feminine internally is an advanced discrimination. The recognition of it externally is simple. Yet when we put these two aspects (internal, F; external, M) into a reciprocal dance, something different begins to happen. There comes an ability to be in feminine or masculine mode at will, whether from capricious inner determination or in response to another. This is what allows us to move with conscious polarisation; to enter the dance with focussed intent, and to work as a single unit toward a more enlightened stage. When we start to do this, we begin to learn how to relate with each other from the divine level of the archetypes, instead of from our egos or personalities.

What stops us, then, from this very desirable way of relating? Unfortunately (or not), we cannot go to a higher stage without going through earlier stages first. It is not possible for a child to behave in the M/F dance at the level of a mature adult. And here’s the rub (sic), our culture is so immature that an overwhelming majority of us are still in child mode very often, whether emotionally, intellectually or sexually, and so on. This makes it impossible for us to discriminate the aspects of polarised relating. In the past polarised relating has meant an obedience to conditioned roles. Yet becoming conscious of this polarisation gives us the capacity to put the universal principles in play in daily life.

The immature feminine manipulates sexually to get external validation. This creates the very thing it fears: separation and disconnection. The mature feminine, however, can surrender into being love, radiating sensuality and grace. This is a required learning to be able to relate from the archetypal level.

The immature masculine is competitive and rigid, with a need to be in control. This also creates separation and disconnection, as in the ‘alpha male’. The mature masculine is a life of purpose, where clarity and integrity are paramount to all of his relating, and brings an impeccability of word and action to his dance with the feminine.

When we become conscious and choose polarised relating rather than having it thrust onto us in the form of conditioned roles, the men embody much more of the masculine characteristics and the women, the feminine. So the men actually hold space for the women. These aspects can be reversed at any time at will by those who have the consciousness of this embodied. So at any moment a couple in the dance may choose to reverse polarity through necessity, or for the learning, or just for the fun of it. There are also many situations when it is important to be able to choose how we will relate in this dance. Generally people tend to embody M/F aspects unconsciously, according to conditioning; and, while there are always good reasons, cultural or personal, that this is so, eventually the unconsciousness of it will create suffering. The masculisation of women in our culture without the corresponding ability to choose the feminine at will is a major example. Men who are still under the sway of mother’s authority well into their adulthood is another.

The mature level of relating is from the Divine, from the awareness of the universal principles which govern us. The call to relate in this way is being answered by increasing numbers of people, and, as the power of this wave builds, our separation will end, for we will find the harmonious movements of the God and Goddess as Unity.


Rudran is the founder/visionary of The Joining, a gathering and a community dedicated to discovering the harmonious relationship between the masculine and the feminine. He is trained in rebirthing, bodywork, counselling, aikido, yoga, shamanic and tantric practices and meditation.

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