Why divorce doesn’t work

In Community and Relationship by LivingNowLeave a Comment

Have strategies to resolve the underlying issues and the opportunities will arrive. Get a divorce and the process will destroy these opportunities, and then leaves the toxic issues unresolved, primed and ready to destroy your next relationship.

In the beginning it’s great, but of course nothing lasts forever. All too quickly one or both partners feel betrayed in some way, and the rose-coloured glasses come off. Suddenly you’ve got problems and these have to be dealt with. No matter what you do now, your intimate relationship is heading to break-point – the time where problems get resolved and where relationships either break-down or break-through.

Break-point is a difficult emotional place to be. Often partners try to tough this out by doing nothing in the hope that their problems may just go away. Invariably the problems stay put which condemns the relationship to weeks or even years of going nowhere.

It doesn’t work to deny the energy of break-point, especially as every intimate relationship is fraught with emotional challenges, and as resolving these challenges is a natural and necessary feature of any vibrant relationship. Break-point is the emotional gauntlet that has to be negotiated if partners are to move to their next level, and the rewards for successfully doing so can be huge personal growth and development.

Without awareness, partners often avoid facing challenges but in doing so they also deny themselves the opportunities for growth and development. Often they justify their avoidance by focussing on how bad the relationship is and how hopeless the future might become. Most certainly these risks are valid because at break-point partners are at their abusive, conflicting and disrespectful worst – so it’s easy to justify separation and divorce as the logical thing to do.

But that’s not the full picture. As much as break-point is a place of emotional gloom and doom, and hopelessness, it’s also the opportunity for magnificent change, and it’s important to understand how this works.

Opportunities come into your life when you deal with the emotional baggage that your relationship has, and break-point is the time to do this. Do this well and the relationship will bless you with abundant opportunities, continual emotional resolve, and life-long happiness. But when blame, fault-finding and conflict take over, an energy is created which destroys families, destroys each partner’s well-being and even leads to suicide.

The challenge you face at break-point is to break through because, if you don’t, then your relationship will break down. Your outcome depends on the attitudes and strategies you have for change plus your determination to transform even the most hopeless situations into wonderful life-changing events.

The rule is that breakthroughs happen to those who take responsibility while breakdowns happen to victims. Three of every four divorcees (75%) get divorced again, because the divorce process effectively stops people dealing with their underlying issues – so of course the issues are going to come back when these people get into their new and ‘better’ life.

This is why I say, “Divorce doesn’t work and relationships do!” Have strategies to resolve the underlying issues and the opportunities will arrive. Get divorced and the process will destroy these opportunities, and then leaves the toxic issues unresolved, primed and ready to destroy your next relationship.

 

Robert Hilliar, no-divorce mentor, former psychologist and author of the book ‘Divorce Doesn’t Work’. After discovering that divorce had not improved his life, Robert became the world’s No. 1 expert in why divorce doesn’t work.

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