The causes of Raym’s client’s anger are known, but the circumstances that led to them are not what they seem.
Dave is a young man with large, bright, staring eyes. His arms and shoulders are inked with images and texts sacred to the spiritual movement that he was once a part of. He has come to see me about the anger that is preventing him from having a meaningful relationship with his partner, who is paying for the session.
At first skeptical and restless, he warms to the process, helped by my cheeky, street-wise assistant. She puts him at ease by admiring his ink, before we embark on our shamanic journey together. I can tell that she feels he is a kindred spirit. Where he has opted for tattoos she has chosen piercing. They are both part of the same ‘hard core’(zero drugs and alcohol) spiritual crew.
Based on descriptions of his behaviour I am expecting to encounter an angry entity or earthbound spirit and have prepared my apprentice for some intense action. She is focussed and ready for anything.
Rather than revealing an entity, our shamanic journey takes us back to his childhood where Dave re-experiences his pain as an adolescent, dealing with his parents’ divorce and his mother’s subsequent remarriage. We observe that Dave is not dealing with living with his new younger siblings or his stepfather at all well. He is obnoxious and resentful and a total pain to be around. His stepbrother and sister are lovely children and his stepfather is trying hard not to have a knee jerk reaction to Dave’s irrational outbursts, but it is not a pleasant time for the family.
We see his mother’s distress. She is at her wits’ end, totally overwhelmed with the merging of two families which she hoped would run smoothly. Eventually Dave’s behaviour becomes intolerable and he is shipped off to the other side of the world to live with his father.
Dave feels angry and betrayed, even though his selfish behaviour warranted her decision. He says he has forgiven her, but when I call on the spirit of his mother to take him through the process of truly forgiving, in the sacred space we are in, he finds it hard to say out loud that he truly forgives and understands her decision to send him away. It is an emotional experience when, after begging forgiveness himself, he finally truly forgives her from the bottom of his heart.
As a man I can feel it could have been good to spend time with his father, at that time, but it did not work out that way. When he arrives, his father is distant and totally consumed in his work as a senior organiser of the global spiritual movement that they are part of. He keeps the boy on the outer, discouraging him from deep study and participation in their religion, which further confuses and angers Dave. This is the confusion and anger that still affect the man who is with me today.
I thought he loved me, but he didn’t really give a shit,Dave telepaths. His distress is raw and he observes his younger self hanging round at a loose end, while his father spends his time and energy elsewhere. I sense there is more going on here than Dave realises. As we have travelled back in time we can observe the whole situation, not just Dave’s memories of it.
Dave, have a look at what else was going on then; what else your father was dealing with…, my silently observing apprentice chips in.
Lots of stuff. None of it about me.Dave’s mind is made up.
That’s what you remember. Today you have the opportunity to be present and observe things that you were not aware of then, things you could not know at the time. As time travellers we can see everything that was going on then. Have a look.
I allow my apprentice to guide him. It is good practice for her and he responds well to her. I know, because of my age and demeanour, that I remind him of his father.
Dave takes the time to really look at what was going on at that time and it is fascinating. He sees his father as the beautiful, caring organiser that he was. He is totally focussed on the well-being of the community he runs. Others are not.
Dave observes as his father’s suspicions grow about the practices of a few senior teachers within that community. We see that he suspects them of being pedophiles but cannot prove anything. His dilemma is to risk accusing innocent teachers and create turmoil in a stable organisation, doing good work, or to be quiet and gather more information.
To ensure the safety of his own child he discourages him from any study with these teachers at all, shutting him out of the organisation that he really wants to be part of.
Oh. I get it… He was actually trying to protect me. He really did love me. Very much.Dave’s realisation is profound, moving and long overdue. His anger dissolves.
For the first time since he was a child, Dave reaches a state of peace by truly forgiving and understanding both his mother’s and his estranged father’s actions. In that state of surrender he opens to the peaceful oneness with the Divine that he has been yearning for since then.
Over years of study and practice, reciting mantras, visualising yantras and holding mudras he had not been able to truly experience the unity consciousness that he expected, because of his anger. Now, free of anger, as he experiences a profound connection with the Divine, a deity steps forward to greet him.
Dave is totally overwhelmed. So I encourage him to talk and take advantage of the special moment he is experiencing. He was not expecting to be able to dialogue with such an elevated being, but after reassurance from me, he starts asking questions. Naturally the being responds warmly and we feel the expansive energy of unconditional love wash through our small healing space as we observe and listen to the answers Dave is receiving.
Dave is brought to the realisation that now he is totally free of anger he may truly be of service to humanity by fully embodying aspects of the deity he admires and wishes to serve.
After the session my apprentice escorts a stunned and becalmed Dave from our studio and returns bright eyed.
“So all that was preventing him from total conscious connection with the Divine and bliss was his own anger?”
“Can I have a session now?”
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