Man and woman embracing; love

Letting go of love

In Love, Sex and Sexuality by Glenda Lamaro26 Comments

“There has been no failure – simply a learning experience for the soul.”


It’s only natural to want to be loved. We all want to have a sense of belonging. Falling in love is one of the most amazing feelings that we will ever experience. There is nothing quite like meeting someone special. From the moment we feel that attraction it brings an energy that is almost indescribable. The heart opens up like a flower and there is lightness in all we do. Our thoughts become filtered through rose-coloured glasses. Our world looks softer and somehow things that would normally bother us don’t seem to matter as much. Our energy uplifted, we have a new priority, the significant other. Our emotions are in a heightened state together with our curiosity and expectations. Daydreaming seems to take over our logic. Yes, we are smitten.

We can’t wait until we see or hear from them again. When the phone sounds our heart races as we look with hope that it is ‘the one’. It can be hard to concentrate on mundane things when it feels so much nicer to fantasise about future possibilities. The sound of their voice, they way they look at us stirs emotions within. Then comes the first touch and the electricity is exchanged between two who then long to become one. It is fun to share information and find out about each other. Songs on the radio echo our inner feelings as if they truly understand. We feel alive and in love.

Time passes and the relationship grows. We have intimacy and a best friend all rolled into one. We have laughed and cried together, fallen in and out with each other, and come together again with new understanding.

We accept circumstances, habits, and other points of view because all the other things on offer make us content. We really don’t want to let go of our attachment, truly believing that this other person understands us and makes us feel like no other has before. We have reached a level of comfort and have planned a future together.

Break-ups: new learning for the soul

Then, somehow it all changes and becomes discordant. Unfortunately, in our happiness being dependent on a person or a thing, we have depended on a condition, and conditions change. Conditional happiness is not happiness. It is a deal.

New learning for the soul must occur so that every break-up can signify a new learning period for both partners. If we understood this, relationships would be easier to move on from.

When we don’t see the end of a relationship as learning for the soul, we are more likely to see it as a failure and want to hold onto it, to save face. It is part of our conditioning to seek out a partner and live happily ever after.

Our society is built on the notion that having one long-term relationship denotes some kind of stability and anything less than that is treated with suspicion. Everyone is looking for the one to not only feel fulfilled but to replicate the conditioning that we are bombarded with from an early age. Like Cinderella, we yearn for the prince. Everyone wants to find love but not everybody does.

Buddha said, in the end these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you learn to let go?

Letting go of love

Learning for our soul journey does not follow conventional ideas. It may require numerous relationships for our souls’ lessons to be taught, as we all learn in our own time. Understanding this concept is necessary to develop a comprehension that loving ourself is a prerequisite to loving another unconditionally. Everything else is make-believe, deception. If we truly loved our partner, we would wish them to be happy with or without us, whatever that involves.

Conditional happiness

Conditional happiness is not true happiness, rather it is a deal where one partner may suggest the other stays and enforces this through guilt and obligation. Often one person is unable to let go. Never wanting to feel alone in their unhappiness, they do their best to emotionally manipulate and transfer the sorrow to their fleeing partner. This in fact is how emotional baggage is created. It can be anchored to both partners and carried into all future relationships, having significant impact as it compounds. Letting go of conditional love, and learning to love yourself is a surer way to find the loving relationship that you are looking for.

A person attached to another identifies their happiness with that person, meaning they project the cause of their happiness outside of themselves. This always indicates a lack of self-worth and self-love; two of the most important things to be nurtured in every person. It is not that true perception is ignorant of attachment; the difference is that its happiness does not depend on any one person or condition.

When letting go can be seen as a gift to the development of the soul of another, we will know we have arrived in a place of self-love. This place of self-love will enable us to stand alone and rejoice in the experience that we have had, knowing that it was an opportunity to learn, grow and evolve for both partners. There has been no failure, simply a learning experience for the soul.


Glenda Lamaro is a children’s book author, counsellor, NLP/hypnotherapy practitioner and meditation teacher. She has been meditating for over 30 years, and enjoys writing to help others gain a more spiritual aspect to this life experience.

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  1. Appreciate your article, thank you. Am just wondering if you are planning to write an article about how to prevent the incidence of domestic violence? I am collecting input about personal strategies because it seems so sad that many people do not adjust to each other once the honeymoon period is over.
    with best wishes,

  2. So true. Too much focus on lack & the message that it takes another to compliment us. Self-love leads the way to bringing in a conscious relationship.

  3. Yes totally resonate with this article. I have learnt over the years to find the unconditional happiness that is the source of all and All. Then to share That with another rather than seek That from another. Still one cannot avoid the inevitable heartbreak of the wound of love that does happen in this conditional realm… I am learning to feel the wound rather than blame another for it. All suffering is my own reaction and activity for which I can be responsible for. Unconditional Love is always already prior to all conditional experiences and apparent others… I thank the Divine Being for revealing this to my heart.

    1. Thank you Karen for your feedback. I appreciate your comments very much. If it reveals any insights to you and can alter your perceptions about relationships then I am very grateful. Failure is not a good thing to live with. One should be free to embrace experiences with a different outcome that leaves us more ready to move forward with confidence and a light heart. I have left my Blog details if you would like to view for further reading. Enjoy.

      Warm wishes

  4. Very interesting read, indeed. Good for the soul. Nice work Glenda.

  5. She was unsuccessful love marriage. How she knows ? What’s about love?

  6. Once you start reading this you can’t help to keep going and relate to the words written.

    Glenda has put life into words perfectly. This article really makes you see how important self love and self worth is.

    Glenda is truly a gifted writer.
    I am looking forward to reading more of her work.

  7. Brilliant Glenda, all the emotions and praying we all have this moment of falling in love with the vibration that fits our souls. Thanks Les Feast

  8. Very well written, this article has certainly given me something to think about.

  9. Powerful words. Very important to love fully and learn to let go. Keep growing and always end on love. Self love that is!
    Thank you

  10. I totally love this article, explains so much where I am in life right now and trying to find myself while letting go of my first true love.. thanks Glenda xx

  11. Well written, vet thought provoking. Look forward to reading more from this author.

  12. Beautiful article, very wise and moving. It was a pleasure to read that! Looking forward to read next.

  13. Oh my god I have just finished reading this Article ..”I remember those orgasmic amazing feelings .. yes this is it !.he is the one !..blindly believing somebody else can make that “fairytale “we learnt from conception come true . Then the awareness.. disappointment sadness .. that this is a nightmare ( he was in charming charismatic alcoholic) not a fairytale.. Slowly understanding and learning the lesson that nobody can make our own world go around except us…. letting go of that fake fairytale. After al Buddha stated. “When you find yourself ,you will know longer need me.” Congratulations to Glenda Lamaroo .. My lesson is learnt. Looking forward to the future and to reading more of your articles. Ruth New South Wales

  14. What a beautiful insite into letting go of love you have Glenda. Very well put thankyou.

  15. Sometimes in life you read something so powerful it helps to bring you from a dark place to a new place where

    the light shines and the future looks so bright.

    I want to thank Glenda Lamaro for your words. for taking me to a new place of understanding for showing me, in

    your very special way of insight into love, relationship and letting go and bringing a new spark in to my life. For

    showing me that the best is yet to come!

    . Hope to read some more of your writings.

    Please share your brilliant insight with us again.

    Thank you again.

  16. Congratulations on your article being published! We all learn and grow from our relationships whether they be intimate or platonic, hopefully in a positive way. Seeing it as a positive learning experience and not a failure is excellent advise!

  17. A very profound read outling a positive outlook to what can sometimes be a difficult time. Thank you Glenda.

  18. An insightful point of view by the author. Anyone who has been through such experiences can relate to the message. There is always a silver lining around the cloud no matter how bad the storm, for sun always shines.

  19. This article really spoke to me. Having had many years of relationships that were not serving or doing me any good my self worth and self love took a beating. The battle to heal oneself is an ongoing battle but this article gives me hope and a boost of empowerment. Made my day. Thank you

  20. How insightful, to illustrate the experience of a soul love as the author has done with so much depth and clarity, one can see it has been part of their journey. Feel blessed that this snapshot of their soul learning has been shared for us all to contemplate. As I’ve always said, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, and if this means you have to let go of love to acheive this, then so be it. With gratitude. ❤ Rosalyn.

  21. I was really touched by this article, it reminded me a lot of my own life, and as the author said.
    “There has been no failure, simply a learning experience for the soul.”Looking forward to next.

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