Overcome insecurity man with glasses in office building Lucas Favre Unsplash

How getting over insecurity helps you reach your potential

In Business, Coaching and Success, Insight and Self Awareness by Jaemin FrazerLeave a Comment

In a judgment-free space, insecurity is neither good nor bad

If we explore the impact insecurity has on your ability to generate real results, you may be surprised.

In fact, insecurity may be the thing driving up performance in your 20’s. It is often the most insecure young people who do the most extraordinary things. Being driven to desperately prove your value and worth to the world by what you can achieve is a powerful source of motivation!

Insecurity as a performance enhancing drug

This ‘driven-ness’ makes people unrealistic, unreasonable and irrational, all of which drives up their performance capacity. The word no does not compute as a reason to stop. In fact, it becomes the trigger that ramps up the intensity of their desire to prove that no is wrong. The best way to motivate an insecure 20-year-old is to tell them they can’t or won’t. The word no is like rocket fuel.

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However, being fuelled by insecurity is unsustainable long term. The longer your performance is driven by the need to prove or defend yourself, the uglier and more destructive it becomes.

To still be driven to prove your awesomeness to the world at 40 years old and beyond is incredibly exhausting. Not only are you running out of steam, but those around you are tired of you as well. You are now the insecure wanker in the room! The insecure 40-year-old is increasingly lonely and isolated, and it becomes harder and harder to force yourself to perform. Eventually insecurity creates massive collateral damage, especially to relationships and health. It ultimately weakens your mental stability.

The impact of insecurity as you age

In general, this relationship between insecurity and performance starts to change at around 30 years of age. This is often where insecurity starts to cost you more than it is benefiting you. On the other hand, this is also the point where security starts paying off in terms of your capacity to perform at your best. From age 30–40, this trend continues significantly.

From 40–50, insecure people either give up on their own performance goals altogether or transfer their ambition for significance into their kids’ performance. If proving their value and worth through their own results can’t work any more, then maybe they will show they matter by having their children achieve great things.

The point is, before you reach 30, insecurity may be working really well for you. In that case, it doesn’t make sense to resolve the fear driving you at this point in your life. However, the older you get, less advantages can be found trying to prove yourself. Unresolved insecurity can even lead you towards madness.

As you age, insecurity becomes the number one inhibitor of performance in life and business and it is security that opens up new levels of growth and success. Therefore, until you solve the insecurity problem in your life, you’ll never achieve your potential.

Solving the insecurity problem

It is the universal fear of not being good enough that drives people to fill their cup externally. They seek validation from the world based on the size and strength of what they can do. They use what looks like purpose to prove their worth and value. To prove they can contribute, to prove they can inspire others, to prove they can change the world. Yet it cannot be your purpose to prove that you matter.

Your work is to discover your inherent worth separate from what you do or have or what anyone else thinks of you – then you are free to really connect with purpose. You now go into the world with your cup full. Now you have something to give. You are now free to contribute out of the essence of who you are and connect with a purpose that is bigger than you, and not about you.

The people who make the most significant contributions to the world do so from a place of wholeness

If you want to connect with the purpose for your life, you’ll need to solve the insecurity problem first.

While people are insecure about being insecure, it is just like almost every other problem in life. It has already been solved. The great thing is, it’s a predictable problem with a predictable solution. Therefore, all you need to overcome insecurity in your life is a proven framework and someone skilful enough to hold you in the space until it works. The aim of the game for adults is to become unhindered by doubt, fear and insecurity so that you are able to fully show up at your best where it matters most.

About the author

Jaemin Frazer

Jaemin is a renowned life coach, TEDx speaker and author of ‘Unhindered – The 7 essential practices for overcoming insecurity’. He is the founder of the Insecurity Project and specialises in helping entrepreneurs, leaders and business owners eradicate insecurity so they can show up to life unhindered by doubt, fear and self-limiting beliefs. He is widely recognised as one of Australia's best life coaches and a leading voice globally on the subject of personal insecurity. Find out more at www.jaeminfrazer.com

Image: Lucas Favre, Unsplash.

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