Rebirthing was described to me as a breathing process to access anything in the unconscious that was in the way of my having what I wanted in my life, I realised I have much of what I wanted, especially my daughter, the light of my life. So what I wanted was just some peace, freedom from anxiety, and peace with my husband.
It was at a time in my life that was really hectic. I was studying, working in a business with my then husband and we had a little girl just one year old. My husband and I seemed to be in constant conflict and I was experiencing mild anxiety, high blood pressure and cholesterol. Life wasn’t too comfortable, but I was a highly functioning, super independent woman. My motto was just get on with it!
Until, that is, I felt that I couldn’t. Something had to change. So I decided to take myself off to a health retreat and ordered one of everything! Amongst that everything was something called rebirthing. When it was described to me as a breathing process to access anything in the unconscious that was in the way of my having what I wanted in my life, I realised I have much of what I wanted, especially my daughter, the light of my life. So what I wanted was just some peace, freedom from anxiety, and peace with my husband.
As I lay down I was asked to close my eyes and breathe in a full and connected way. Almost instantly I got a sense of my daughter and my intense love for her. It was overwhelming actually. Tears poured out as my whole body seemed to in that moment remember all that I had gone through to have her. Hers was a miraculous birth through one of my younger sisters and surrogacy after years of being on the IVF program.
I came to realise how overwhelming it had been, the receiving of this gift of unconditional love. The enormity of it amazed me because it was it was the one thing I thought consciously that I was absolutely okay with in my life.
I very quickly then made connections to receiving in other ways and ohhhhh conceiving (a connection that often happens now when working with women on fertility treatment)! Being the eldest girl I had done a lot of taking care and this pattern of thinking – that I mattered as a caretaker – had played out in my life and my body. I wasn’t comfortable or safe with receiving! It was that simple.
So began my journey with rebirthing. I didn’t stop, and was later able to conceive the very first time I went again on IVF. My daughter is now nearly 22 years old, my son 18, and joys of my life.
Opening up to receiving whatever you want, I realised, usually involves discovering and letting go of what is unconsciously in the way!!
Jonine Lee is a breathwork practitioner and trainer, President Australian Breathwork Association, and conducts regular workshops on fertility, self esteem, relationships and family constellations
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