Probing an irrational fear of self-empowerment, a client uncovers a time of torment that has had a lasting effect.
I cannot tell what time and place I am in. The furnishings are simple and poor and it is night time. I can feel the terror building around the child in the bed I am standing next to. She is alone in this gloomy space, in a restless sleep. She moans and groans quietly. A fine film of perspiration appears on her brow and neck as she starts to wrestle with the bed covers.
Tree branches outside scratch the windows and the thin steel walls around her as a breeze picks up. I think I hear muffled footsteps approaching, hidden amongst the other night noises. We are in a rural area free of street lamps and the enveloping darkness is moderated only slightly by the thin mist, of partially clouded half-moonlight, that wafts through the small, high window near her bed.
I am alert and ready for anything, I sense this is a repeated experience for the child. Anticipating the door to this isolated room opening to some kind of violator, I prepare myself to help the child as best I can. But the door does not open, something far more bizarre happens as she wakes, sitting upright with eyes wide open, her mouth gaping in a silent scream…
Susan is a mature woman in the midst of a spiritual emergence. Re-assessing her whole way of being, she has changed her job, her home and her relationship, bringing everything into alignment with what she believes to be her life’s purpose. She is outgoing, successful and self-assured, however she senses a deep seated fear that is preventing her from moving forward into her full potential and power. She has come to me to uncover what it might be.
Peeling back the layers
She has tried various process to unlock this fear without success. Our pre-session discussion covers any kind of trauma she may have experienced in this life. She describes a few instances but assures that she feels they are dealt with.
“The cause of your present underlying fear may not exist in this time or space. If you allow it, this shamanic journey will take us there,” I advise, as she lies in my beautiful mandala of crystals and closes her eyes.
Commanding her body to take us to the source of her present life fear, we find ourselves in this dark room with a terrified child.
—Oh, I had forgotten about this, this is me as a child, in this life, now. This is terrible, I feel sick, she telepaths, recoiling from the strange situation unfolding before us.
I witness the spirit of a sinisterly happy-faced, small, child-like clown skip through the wall next to the door. He is in full clown make-up and regalia. It is the scariest clown I have ever seen. The child that is Susan is transfixed, petrified and hardly breathing.
—It’s the Weebie Wobbie. He used to come and play with me. But it was not nice.
Time to PLAY! The clown laughs, jumping up and down on her bed.
—Oh, this is awful can we stop?
We can, but this is the fear you came to uncover. Invite this being to step into no time/space and ask it to show you when you invited it to be here.
—I invited it… Really?
Calling for help
She asks and is immediately shown herself in the shed a few years earlier, a lonely child, crying, with no-one to play with.
—I called for help!?
And for a playmate this being answered your call. Tell it not to be afraid and that you won’t hurt it. Thank it for its service and release it from your agreement. Its service is complete.
—Oh, it is so sad, that I want it to leave. Its making me feel sad too.
It has been with you since then and you have become familiar with it. Its presence offers you a kind of reassurance. Your spiritual growth and expanding self-awareness frightens it. It senses you won’t need it anymore and wants you to stop, so it is triggering your irrational fear.
The overly playful energy of the clown has changed, it is crying real tears.
I see through the clown’s make-up and have my own realisation of what this being actually is.
Ask it to show itself in its true form.
Susan does so and the transformation is immediate and profound.
—Oh! It’s just a little boy just a bit older than I was then…He answered my call. He wanted to play with me.
Why did he appear as a clown?
—He thought it would make me happy. He knew I wanted a playmate. It wasn’t his intention to frighten me and he did not know how to change his appearance back to a child. He is such a lovely little boy…
Ask him what year it is and what is the last thing he remembers.
The boy shares that it is 1953 and he remembers being in a car accident with his parents. It is the year he died. We call on his parents and they come and take him home to the light. It is a joy-filled reunion. Susan is very emotional as she finally releases him to find peace.
We complete the session and Susan sits up, drying her eyes.
—I was SO scared of that clown. It seems silly now I know what was really happening.
You can see how his presence has affected your life?
—Oh yes, whenever I took steps towards empowerment and self-realisation I felt this deep inexplicable fear in the pit of my stomach. It was that little boy, frightened that I might discover him and ask him to leave.
How do you feel now?
—Crystal clear! Thank you.
By the way, how come you were locked in that shed?
—I wasn’t locked in. My parents were fixing up a dirty old house and they figured the old tin garage was a cleaner, nicer place for me to be. They thought they were doing the right thing, but they felt a long way away when I was a child. I never told them what happened or asked to be moved. I thought they might not believe me.
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