Three channels to love

Three channels to love

In Community and Relationship, Love, Sex and Sexuality by Catherine PlanoLeave a Comment

Having ‘chemistry’ with someone is another way of feeling love. There is an emotional and psychological bond when individuals connect or “when two become one”. When people first connect in an intimate sense, all of their senses are fired up. 


Great care is usually taken to ‘impress’ the other; new clothes and sparkling shoes. Sometimes you’ll see hairdo/makeup as if they were going to a wedding. Favourite perfume worn. Perhaps a mint or breath freshener handy for that special kiss. Many new lovers communicate to wee hours of the morning and send love messages every hour. Many whisper sweet nothings or write romantic poetry. They cuddle, hold hands and caress one another and some barely leave the bedroom. Some will wine and dine or spend days in the kitchen cooking up a storm. All manner of loving, attentive activities.

Paradise is always where love dwells

This conscious behaviour is what we call the honeymoon period. How long does that last? Depending on how quickly you start to feel comfortable with one another. Then what happens? The honeymoon period is over. So many of us go back to our old ways, old habits, don’t make such an effort. We might even start having doubt about the relationship.

Some find themselves saying; ‘we were so connected and so into each other and now we hardly go out, we hardly speak. We just don’t make an effort for one another any more’. 

Most couples, once they hit this phase of their relationship, start to feel uncomfortable and even vulnerable, or fearful about where to from here. But guess what? Your relationship has just moved into your unconscious. There is nothing wrong with your relationship. You have just become comfortable with one another and that is a new beginning to a new phase of your relationship.

We all have drivers that we are not aware of because they are unconscious. Here are just three which are the most common types of love communication.

Visual lovers – I see you

These kinds of individuals can be a little vain. They always look like they are going somewhere special. Their unconscious driver is what they see – very driven by appearance. Because they are visual, they are less distracted by noise, but may wander off if something catches their eye. When a visual lover first meets their partner, they automatically are attracted by the clothes they wear, their shoes, the places they go to and all that they see. Little surprises or giving gifts makes them feel loved most deeply, as you are showing them your love. It doesn’t have to be an occasion. 

If you are with a visual lover, the secret is that you don’t have to buy expensive gifts. You can simply make them a card or pick flowers from your garden. It’s your intention to show them love that counts.

Auditory lovers – I hear you

Words are everything to these individuals. They need to hear how much they mean to you; to hear ‘I love you’ with meaning. Conversations are extremely important to them. They love one-on-one connection and communicating. They appreciate feedback and honest chats. They thrive on praise and appreciation; everything they hear, they take it to heart, so be conscious of your spoken words. Auditory lovers are amazing listeners. Typically, these individuals can hear an ant crawl across the floor; they are easily distracted by noise. They can repeat things back to you easily and connect by listening. They generally like music and talking on the phone. Tone of voice and the words you use are very important to them. 

Kinaesthetic lover – I feel you

Physical touch is their emotional driver. This can be anything from putting a hand on their shoulder as they are driving the car, holding hands while you are walking, or placing your hand on their leg as you sit beside them. Kissing them softly, embracing them with a massive hug and making love are kinaesthetic ways of communicating love. Reach out and connect with them, touch them or hold them. They memorise by doing or walking through something and respond to physical rewards and touching. They will be interested in activities that feel right or give them a gut feeling.

Back to paradise

In any relationship, actions speak louder than words. Once we can identify what our partner’s drivers are, we can step out of our love language into their style to create that spark again. Just as if you were back in that honeymoon period

Uncover the magic by spending quality time with one another. Create the space to have a date night once a week. Plan to go out and have a dance or go out for dinner. Alternatively, go to a market together, buy groceries and cook up a storm. Giving undivided attention to one another is one of the best ways you can show your love. Remove all distractions such as T.V., mobile phones and anything that may disrupt the connection for you both. 

Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again …

Remember, when you first met, you created the sacred space for connection. You can create it again. It takes planning and dedication to make your relationships work. Imagine what you could create if you were to be on the same wavelength. Think how much more you could discover with one another just from using these languages of love. It could be as simple as asking your partner or soul mate – “what is important to you about a relationship?” and writing it down. Then both go through the points and speak about how you can bring them to life. 

Love knows no limits. It’s what you create.

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